Microdosing: the benefits to our Wellbeing and the Menopause
When I was 45, and after years of menstruating, my life changed radically. I had spent years complaining about my monthly cycle and PMS, and pretending I was perfectly fine each month, when in actual fact, I was suffering. Menstruation has always been a taboo subject, but little did I know then that the Menopause was even more of a “not to be mentioned” topic, with very scarce knowledge of it in the medical profession, and in the work force.
The menopause hits every woman differently, and for most of us does not arrive predictably like mimosas on a Sunday. In my case it was an absolute shock with every symptom possible. Initially it was one month of bleeding followed by a few more of nothing, and then back to the super heavy menstrual flow. It was to say the least a rollercoaster ride of emotions, but not a fun one. My symptoms varied, as this was what they call the peri-menopause, the under discussed, brutal and unforgiving, roughly 10 years before the show shuts down. This is when your hormones take their wildest ride.
Anxious, hormones. Can’t sleep hormones. Depressed hormones. Can’t concentrate hormones. Getting rounder in your middle hormones. Hate your husband, kids, and everyone around you hormones. I was quite desperate in my attempts to alleviate the symptoms and this new person I had become.
In my 30s and early 40s I navigated through life in a very organised and successful manner. Nobody warned me that all would change abruptly at 45. Women, society, and doctors do not talk about the M word. I had no idea, nor my loved ones, what had happened to me as no one talks about it. I sank deeper and deeper into a depression, almost left my husband and my life spiralled out of control. There were times when I was unable to get out of bed unable to reach the side or pull myself out. I was scared.
I have always been very fit and active. I did a Masters degree and PhD, I ran around with my two amazing kids. I walked everywhere, travelled the world, did pilates, drank, shopped, I did it all except take any forms of medicine to keep the demons at bay. I couldn’t understand what was happening to me and I had to find a solution. I could not admit to anyone how bad I felt and that I needed something to get me through whatever was happening to me.
A few years passed and the feeling continued. I had some very dark days, and my life was spiralling out of control. I cried every day and felt ashamed of what was happening to me. I was adamant though that I would not take any medicines to help me through this desperate phase. I had to find a radical solution.
Womanhood is cruel. The deal with the devil made in exchange for breeding, is not menstruation, it’s that when our periods end, a whole new sensation of evil begins. It’s when you are out somewhere and looking fabulous and suddenly visible sweat pours off your forehead, into your makeup and eyes, into your dress and you are drenched. It’s as if a furnace ignited inside of your chest. Waking up at 3 AM, staying awake in a wet bed until 5, thinking about everything and nothing.
Everything changes. Sex, the dryness, your libido, hair, nails, that you start to hate yourself.
You look in the mirror and are unrecognisable. I inevitably went on HRT, and it was a game changer for myself and my family. In fact, they are still alive, and I still live with them. It was great for a while, but I was still not myself. The bleeding was on and off and frankly it was getting rather boring. I tried it all. Fasting, no gluten, dairy, ashwagandha and omegas.
Nothing really worked. Everyone said it was the hormones.
I decided to go on a retreat abroad and it was a life changer. I met a young man that suggested I try Microdosing. I had no idea what he was talking about. He guided me through the process, and I have never looked back. I had never “shroomed” in my life, but this was such a small dose that I thought I’d give it a go. No side effects, no recreational tripping and the truffles were natural which I would infuse in a tea. The studies are out there, and John Hopkins, Imperial College London and Oxford University have all done research showing how effective psilocybins are in treating depression, PTSD, addiction and in my case the Menopause.
I took the plunge, made my tea with my truffles, waited quietly at home to see the effects it would have on me. Nothing sudden happened. Went for a walk. I felt at ease in nature noticing the trees and the birds chirping, the sun on my skin. I was calm, relaxed, and present in the moment, able to cope.
Suddenly, I felt an incredible stillness go through my body and mind. My thoughts were clear, and nothing worried me. I existed in the moment, and I was happy. I was attentive, listened to people and extremely creative. I felt myself again. I felt good. I decided to follow the Fadiman Protocol of 1 day yes, 2 days off then on the 4 th day another dose. I started and stayed on 1 gram. My son said I seemed calmer and that whatever I was on I should continue.
Microsdosing changed my life for the better. I now take it occasionally or when I need to recalibrate and reboot my system. It calms my nervous system and keeps me in check. Microdosing has allowed me to understand myself better and control my emotions without hurting my loved ones. It has given me an immense sense of wellbeing. It doesn’t interfere with my activities; I am very receptive and productive.
As I write this, I am Microdosing. My life has become manageable again and everything seems possible again. It is when we reach the second half of our lives that life becomes extremely complex. Empty nest, aging parents, feeling invisible as if society erases us. Add the hormone changes which play around with our moods and bodies, that’s when we need the most help to navigate it all.
Microdosing may not be for everyone, I understand that. It is an option that should be made more available for those that wish to find solutions to their problems. For me microdosing was a life and heart changer. I feel alive and human, and it is allowing me to live this second part of life with a joie de vivre that I did not think was possible almost a decade ago.
Written by founder Susanne Hartmann